Rediscovering My Creative Spark: Finding Joy Beyond Self-Doubt

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I lost my motivation to paint, but if I had to guess, it was when I started feeling defeated. Since my last Instagram post back in October, I’ve barely touched my paints, and my studio slowly turned into a storage room. Lately, I’ve been wanting to get back into painting, but I keep doubting myself. If I’m being honest, I poured so much energy into building my art website and promoting my work, but nothing seemed to take off. Eventually, I just couldn’t bring myself to keep trying. The joy faded, so I downgraded my shop and tried to put it all out of my mind.

Let me be real, I truly wanted to become a professional artist and help support my family through my art. Of course, I hoped to sell my work. Maybe that’s where things got tricky. I find myself always looking for the business angle in everything I enjoy, not because I’m greedy, but because I feel like I need to justify doing something I love. It’s not about chasing fame or fortune; it’s more about wanting to do what makes me happy and maybe earn a living from it. Deep down, I know I wrestle with a lot of self-judgment around art, especially when it comes to spending money on a “hobby.” I’m working on letting go of these beliefs, because I know they’re not true.

And then there’s the challenge of having too many creative ideas! I want to try illustration, pattern making, urban sketching, you name it. While I could explore all these paths, it sometimes feels scattered and overwhelming. Honestly, my brain gets as jumbled as this blog post, and that might just be the reality of having a creative mind. It’s a journey, and I’m learning to embrace the chaos along the way.